I'm really looking for something to criticize, and the biggest thing I can find is one small point about Sephiroth's characterization. I'm not sure he would know to be this comforting to someone with almost no combat training. And if he HAD been taught about this, I'd still think he would have a thought or a reaction or two about noncombatants being so delicate about things that probably seem commonplace to him. ;-)
The girl gave a look which mingled disgust at the task with a certain amount of compassion for someone who had just faced their first violent action without even the mild buffer of military training, and nodded.
This is a little awkward. Not sure exactly how to change it, though.
On the floor before the desk, a was writhing and bleeding, large areas of his left side torn open. Left out a word here?
Don't get me wrong, this is excellent!
Oh, and I approve of Nesa's choice of a weapon. It's often overlooked, but the shotgun is a good choice for people with lousy aim and no experience: it will destroy anything in front of it at close range, but the pellets aren't too likely to go through a wall and kill co-workers.