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Back February 28th, 2009 Forward
Excuse me while I gibber for a bit

I've recently started a meetup group in my city for writers. The first meeting is today, at 2pm. It's ten past eleven, and I'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory.

What am I nervous about? Well, it's all the standard social anxieties - will people turn up, will they like me, will it work out, will it all collapse in a heap, will I feel like a fool for organising this, will the sky fall while I'm in the middle of things, will Armageddon delay play, will flying pigs disrupt traffic etc. I know most of these things are pretty much out of my control (which for a control-freak like me is a Bad Thing most of the time) and I'm trying to tell myself that the worst that can happen is that things won't work out this time, and I'll have to try again next month with a bit more organisation.

*takes deep breath*

This doesn't stop me worrying and jittering all over the place, because as well as being a control freak, I'm also something of a perfectionist, which means if I get things wrong (for values of wrong which range from "some people aren't happy" right the way up to "all die; oh the embarassment") I'm going to probably have my subconscious trying to beat me up for the next three days explaining how I could have done it better. Of course, on the other side of things, I'm trying to channel the worry into useful things, like being prepared. The problem with doing this, however, is I tend to start preparing for more and more disasters, and wind up overloaded with "useful" things which aren't. If you see what I mean.

I think I'll go and prepare for the possibility of the whole thing being interrupted by a giant rock falling into the middle of Perth. Or an alien invasion, or things from beyond the grave. Or maybe just a couple of superpowered blokes with swords and lots and lots of black leather beating the crap out of each other within hearing range.

Actually... when I put it like that, things fall into a much calmer perspective.

Current Mood: anxious anxious
Back February 28th, 2009 Forward